From the Satire Desk · general · Issue —
Vantage Screening Group — Candidate Disqualification Matrix v4.2
VANTAGE SCREENING GROUP — TALENT OPERATIONS
Candidate Disqualification Matrix — v4.2
Internal. Do not distribute. Specifically, do not leave it in the job posting.
PURPOSE
To standardise first-pass rejection at scale. Previous guidance (“use judgement”) was found to be doing too little.
DISQUALIFY ON SIGHT
• The #OpenToWork badge. Ambition, when visible, is a liability.
• A layoff, ever, for any reason. Especially performance.
• “In between roles” — i.e. currently a person.
• Stated interest in AI, LLMs or crypto. They will want to talk about it.
• Contract or part-time history. They have learned to leave.
• A gap of two to four months. Note for the file: this is roughly parental leave.
• Job-hopping, defined as 1.5 to 2 years per role — i.e. normal.
• Big Tech only. They expect things.
• More than eight years' experience. See attached note on “trajectory”.
ESCALATE
• Anyone who asks what the salary is.
• Anyone who asks what the salary is, twice.
APPROVED WORKAROUND
• If every applicant is disqualified and the team still needs a person, hire an internal referral and skip this form.
SIGN-OFF
• Reviewed by: Talent Operations.
• Not reviewed by: Legal, which has asked us to stop.
— Vantage Screening Group. We find the one who survives the process.
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