goodbye, interview.
⚠ Satire — this document is fiction. The companies and people are made up. The maths, regrettably, is real.

From the Satire Desk · general · Issue

RollTech Dynamics — We're Hiring (Contractor)

ROLLTECH DYNAMICS — WE'RE HIRING

Role: Senior Everything (1099)

Location: Fully remote / rigidly 9-to-5 / also on-call

ABOUT THE ROLL

We're a fast-paced, high-performance team that takes pride in being brutally competitive. We are looking for a self-starter to fill a critical roll on our roll.

This is a 1099 contractor position. You will be treated exactly like a full-time employee in every respect except pay, benefits, taxes, and legal protections.

WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR

• Someone who thrives under pressure, and also under micromanagement.

• Someone comfortable with a rigid schedule, daily standups, hourly check-ins, and a culture of “we're like a family.”

• Someone who will not ask why a contractor roll has a 9-to-5.

WHAT WE OFFER

• Exposure. So much exposure.

• The opportunity to be classified incorrectly, at scale.

• Bread. Ask us about the bread.

TO APPLY

Send your résumé, a cover letter, and a one-page essay on why you're excited about this roll. We will not read the essay. We will check that you wrote it.

— RollTech Dynamics Talent Acquisition. We move fast. You'll hear from us in six weeks.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.

📱 UNFAIR. — an unfair advantage for an unfair process. Coming to mobile.See the app →