Peregrine Talent Systems — Same-Day Interview Blitz Protocol (v2)

PEREGRINE TALENT SYSTEMS — CANDIDATE OPERATIONS

Same-Day Interview Blitz Protocol — v2

Internal. Do not send to candidates. They will notice.

PURPOSE

To compress the hiring process into a single day, so that candidates experience our urgency as a compliment.

SCHEDULE

• Rounds one through four: the same day, back to back, with no breaks longer than the candidate needs to recover.

• Round five: 20:00, the same evening. Mention that another candidate may accept first. This is not a threat. It is a fact about the other candidate.

• Round six (the VP): whenever the VP is free.

WHAT TO TELL THE CANDIDATE

That an offer will follow within a week, and that they may begin preparing their resignation. Note the word “may.”

THE WEEK

If no offer is ready by day seven, the position is “on hold.” If it is still not ready by day ten, the “profile is closed.” Neither phrase obliges us to explain, and neither is a promise we have made.

TRAVEL

Candidates travelling from other cities fund their own travel. Reimbursement is available to candidates we hire. This is also a filter.

CLOSING

Thank you for your patience throughout our process. There is no other kind.

— Peregrine Talent Systems. Four rounds today. One more, if you are free.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.