Hollowbrook & Tine — Senior AI Engineer (Human, Probably: Identity Verification Included)

HOLLOWBROOK & TINE TALENT — SENIOR AI ENGINEER

Location: remote, which is the problem. Compensation: $180,000–$220,000, paid to whichever of you is real.

THE ROLE

Our client seeks a senior AI engineer to build the systems that screen senior AI engineers. The successful candidate will train models to detect candidates who use models, and will be interviewed by one. This is not a loop. It is a mirror.

THE VERIFICATION

Interviews are conducted by our proprietary interviewer, Pat, who is not a person but has excellent posture. Candidates must place a hand in front of their face and confirm that the hand is theirs, the face is theirs, and the second face behind the first face is not. Applicants who raise the hand beside the face instead of in front of it will be logged as a deepfake and offered a role in compliance, where the standards are lower.

THE PROCESS

Step one: a five-minute recorded video. Step two: a five-minute review of the video by a model. Step three: a five-minute review of the model by a second model. Step four: a human, if available. The human is on leave. The models have agreed to cover.

THE SMALL PRINT

This is a remote role. Remote means we cannot see you, which means we must see you more. Successful candidates will install monitoring software, share their screen, share their camera, and share their second camera. Existing employees are also being verified. Several have been found to be backgrounds.

HOW TO APPLY

Send a video of yourself saying “I am not a bot” three times, followed by a video of a bot saying it, so we can compare. Our client will know.

— Hollowbrook & Tine Talent. We move candidates forward. Constantly. Toward the door.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.