From the Satire Desk · general · Issue —
Thorne & Petrel — Shepherd (3,000 Sheep, No Days Off, 59 Million Views)
THORNE & PETREL TALENT — SHEPHERD
Location: Inner Mongolia. Pasture: 2,000 hectares. Flock: 3,000 sheep. Salary: 16,000 yuan per month, per couple.
THE ROLE
Our client seeks two shepherds — preferably a married couple — for year-round work on a remote ranch near Xilinhot, some 300 kilometres from the nearest city. Duties include summer grazing and winter feeding. The successful candidates will enjoy fresh air, accommodation, and Wi-Fi.
THE CONDITIONS
The posting notes no days off. Winter temperatures reach minus thirty to minus forty. Mobile signal is weak. The nearest neighbour is a horizon. Our client has stressed that the role is not tourism. We have stressed that neither is most recruitment.
THE RESPONSE
The listing has been viewed fifty-nine million times. More than seven hundred people applied, including recent university graduates, factory workers, and white-collar staff who currently describe their jobs as “996.” Our client ultimately hired experienced shepherds born in the 1980s. Candidates who applied in the hope of escaping an office have been advised that sheep do not observe weekends, performance reviews, or the right to disconnect. They do, however, respond well to consistency.
HOW TO APPLY
Submit a CV and a covering letter explaining why you are suited to 3,000 sheep and a winter that removes the concept of warmth. Applicants who ask about annual leave will be considered “not a culture fit,” which is our way of saying they have read the posting.
— Thorne & Petrel Talent. We move candidates forward. Constantly. Toward the door.
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