Fathom Hiring Systems — Candidate Logistics Policy (v3)

FATHOM HIRING SYSTEMS — CANDIDATE LOGISTICS POLICY

Internal. Do not send this to a candidate. Sending it counts as communication, and communication creates a record.

PUNCTUALITY

The interview is scheduled for 11:00. We will call at 10:59. A candidate who is early is merely waiting; a candidate who is on time is late; a candidate whose phone filtered us as spam has failed a test we did not announce. If they call back, do not answer — answering implies the call could be re-made. If they wait fifteen minutes and write to ask, note only that they “missed the call at the agreed time.” Sixty seconds of silence is sufficient to close the file.

PRESENCE

Our interviews are camera-optional for us and mandatory for them. Panels may drive. Panels may remain unseen. A candidate who asks why the hiring manager’s camera is off is “focusing on the wrong things.” A candidate who does not ask is observant, which is also disqualifying, per our earlier guidance on noticing broken things.

UNPAID WORK

Before any decision, require a take-home: two pages, two hours of work, a twenty-four-hour turnaround — for a role we have described as “around sixty thousand.” Add a follow-up meeting so they can explain their reasoning aloud. If they decline, record it as “not serious.” Disclose the salary only after the assignment is submitted.

CLOSING

Notify nobody. Where a notification is unavoidable, keep it to one line, one decision, and never the decision we gave the hiring manager.

— Fathom Hiring Systems. We find the fit. Eventually. Most likely elsewhere.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.