Evergreen Requisitions Inc.: Posting Inventory, Week 38

EVERGREEN REQUISITIONS INC. — INTERNAL

Posting Inventory · Week 38 · For audit, if anyone asks

REQ-4471 · Senior Backend Engineer · Role exists: N · Applications: 1,240 · Interviews: 0 · Rejection signed by: "Sarah" · Status: Evergreen

REQ-4483 · Facilities Coordinator · Role exists: Y · Applications: 96 · Interviews: 14 · Hired: 1 · Status: Closed (do not re-open — the hire starts Monday)

REQ-4502 · Head of Revenue · Role exists: N · Applications: 388 · Interviews: 0 · Status: Evergreen (seniority wording adjusted weekly)

REQ-4510 · Security Engineer · Role exists: Partially · Applications: 210 · Interviews: 1 · Status: Paused pending headcount

REQ-4519 · Marketing Associate · Role exists: Y · Applications: 1,004 · Interviews: 0 · Status: Evergreen — the actual role is covered by a contractor on rolling three-month terms

Notes for the week

1. A listing need not correspond to an open role. Listings are inventory, and inventory is the funnel.

2. Rejections may be signed with a first name that does not belong to an employee. 'Sarah' continues to perform well.

3. The 'posted 30+ days ago' badge is cleared by re-posting the requisition. Re-posting is free; headcount is not.

4. Applicants asking whether the role is still open are to receive the feedback 'not hungry enough'. Feedback is not itemised.

5. Do not correspond with applicants. Correspondence creates the expectation of a process.

— Talent Systems, Evergreen Requisitions Inc.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.