INTERNAL MEMO: Mandatory Re-Interview Policy — Referral Candidate Deficiency (RCD) Protocol

TO

All Current Employees

FROM

Talent Integrity & Workforce Assurance Division

DATE: August 4, 2026

SUBJECT: Updated Re-Interview Protocol Following Referral Candidate Failure

Effective immediately, Cromulent AI is instituting a Mandatory Re-Interview Policy for any employee whose referred candidate fails to pass our technical screening.

RATIONALE

When you refer a candidate, you are not merely forwarding a resume. You are vouching — with your own professional standing — that this individual meets the Cromulent standard. If that candidate cannot solve a basic three-sum problem in the allotted forty-five minutes, a reasonable inference is that your own technical judgment has atrophied. The company has a fiduciary duty to verify that the people already on payroll still know how to code.

PROCEDURE

Within five business days of a referred candidate's disqualification, the referring employee will be scheduled for a Fresh Technical Interview (FTI), comprising:

- One LeetCode medium (thirty minutes)

- One system design question (forty-five minutes)

- One values alignment check (fifteen minutes — we will ask whether you still believe in synergy)

If you pass the FTI, your referral privileges are restored and a note is placed in your file acknowledging that your friend was merely a one-off disappointment. If you fail, a Performance Improvement Plan will be initiated within forty-eight hours. You referred them. You own the outcome.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: What if I didn't know the candidate personally? I just forwarded a LinkedIn message.

A: Ignorance is not a defence. You pressed "Refer." The button says what it says.

Q: What if the candidate lied on their resume?

A: Your judgment failed to detect the lie. See above.

Q: Is this retroactive?

A: Yes. HR is currently auditing referral records dating back to Q3 2023. Please remain at your desk.

This policy reflects Cromulent AI's core value of Radical Accountability. We thank you for your continued commitment to excellence — pending verification.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.