Vantage Loop Labs: Screening Call Script (Do Not Deviate)

VANTAGE LOOP LABS — TALENT ACQUISITION: SCREENING CALL SCRIPT (DO NOT DEVIATE)

Purpose: to determine fit before the candidate determines ours.

Open with the approved greeting: “I came across your profile and honestly love your work — could we grab a casual chat, just to exchange perspectives?” Do not use the word interview. Under no circumstances use the word role.

If the candidate asks any of the following, mark RED and close the call within the minute:

- why we need a resume when LinkedIn exists;

- whether a “quick chat” means thirty minutes;

- why the salary range is described as “competitive”;

- why every company now wants “builders”;

- what “culture fit” is understood to mean.

A candidate who asks these questions is technically correct, which we have found to be a poor signal.

If the candidate asks nothing, proceed to Stage 1 of 9. Note that we move quickly, which is why the stages are non-negotiable. The role has been open since March.

If the candidate declines full-time at any point, close warmly: “No worries — maybe you can try next time.” If they ask what next time means, they have failed culture fit.

The chat is casual. The process is not.

— Talent Acquisition, Vantage Loop Labs

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.