Cromulent AI: Form Letter, Application Outcome (Regret), Rev. 4

TO

Applicant · From: Talent Acquisition

CROMULENT AI — CANDIDATE EXPERIENCE

Form letter: Application Outcome (Regret), Rev. 4

Dear [CANDIDATE],

1. Thank you for your interest in [ROLE] at Cromulent AI. After careful consideration we have decided to move forward with candidates whose [QUALIFICATION] more closely aligns with our [VAGUE NOUN] needs.

2. We received [LARGE NUMBER] applications and were humbled by the calibre. Your details will be kept on file, where they will be automatically deleted in ninety days.

3. This decision is final and, per policy, not subject to feedback. We are unable to provide a reason, as our process does not record one.

4. Please note we may contact you again in six weeks about a role identical to this one, and will expect you to be excited.

5. We wish you the very best in your search, and remind you that this email is the only response you will receive.

— Talent Acquisition, Cromulent AI

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.