Now Hiring: Entry-Level Software Engineer (10+ Years Experience Required)

**Vantablack Systems, Inc. — Careers**

**Entry-Level Software Engineer (Remote)**

We are a fast-moving, disruptive, pre-revenue startup seeking a self-starting Entry-Level Software Engineer. Applicants must meet all of the following requirements:

- 10+ years of professional experience in a technology that shipped four years ago

- Mastery of all 798 listed skills, including three we invented while writing this ad

- A PhD, two master's degrees, and the emotional flexibility to be told you are simultaneously overqualified and underqualified

- Entry-level salary expectations, but senior-level ownership. You will function as the entire engineering department

- 5+ years of experience with a framework whose creator has eighteen months of experience with it

**What we offer:**

- The opportunity to compete against 1,000+ applicants for a role that may already be filled internally

- A hiring process best summarised as “we'll get back to you”

- Equity — a substantial quantity, denominated in a currency that does not yet exist

To apply, submit a resume, a cover letter, a portfolio, a ninety-second video explaining your greatest weakness, and your earliest available start date. Shortlisted candidates will be ghosted in the order their applications were received.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.