INTERNAL MEMO: Urgent Backfill — Same Role, Same Desk, Same Human

**TO:** All Hiring Managers, Gormless Systems\n**FROM:** Talent Acquisition, Automated Outreach Division\n**RE:** Urgent Backfill — Senior Infrastructure Lead\n\nTeam,\n\nWe are pleased to announce that our LinkedIn scraping algorithm has identified an exceptional candidate for the Senior Infrastructure Lead position that became vacant following last month's restructuring.\n\nThe candidate's profile is a near-perfect match:\n- 14 years of experience at Gormless Systems (an unheard-of level of cultural alignment)\n- Previously held the exact same title, on the exact same team, using the exact same desk\n- Left the role only 17 days ago due to being, and I quote the separation memo, 'eliminated in a strategic realignment'\n\nThe algorithm, which we remind everyone is not sentient and cannot experience irony, flagged this candidate with a 98.7% confidence score. The candidate's last day was June 12. The outreach message went out June 29. We are awaiting their response.\n\nWe have also identified several other strong candidates whom our algorithm describes as 'currently employed here but potentially open to a conversation about the same role at a marginally different title.'\n\nPlease join us in celebrating the efficiency of AI-driven talent sourcing.\n\nWarm regards,\nTalent Acquisition, Automated Outreach Division\nGormless Systems\n*'We Find You. Even When You Weren't Looking.'*

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.