Gormless Systems Memo 2026-091: The Post-and-Ghost Pipeline

**GORMLESS SYSTEMS — OFFICE OF TALENT ATTRACTION**

**MEMO 2026-091: THE POST-AND-GHOST PIPELINE**

Effective immediately, the practice of advertising roles we have no intention of filling is formalized into a three-stage pipeline.

Stage One — Post. Recruiters will announce open roles in the imperative mood (“We’re hiring!”) with a countdown until the requisition quietly closes.

Stage Two — Attract. Candidates will express interest. This is the desired outcome. Interest is the product; the role is the marketing.

Stage Three — Ghost. No reply will be sent at any stage. Candidates who follow up will be met with a silent inbox, which we consider a form of feedback.

We are aware this mirrors the candidate experience in reverse, and we see no reason to apologize. If a candidate can apply to 200 roles without a response, a company can post 200 roles without an interview. The asymmetry is the point.

Questions may be directed to our Talent Attraction desk, which is not hiring anyone and has been instructed to remain that way.

— The Office of Talent Attraction

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.