Corvus & Pike — Screening Rubric (Attached to the Job Posting in Error)

CORVUS & PIKE TALENT — SCREENING RUBRIC

Attached to the job posting in error. We are picky; it saves time. Do not share with candidates, who would only adjust.

TRAITS TO AVOID

Candidates carrying the “#OpenToWork” badge. They are, by definition, looking. Treat this as suspicious.

Anyone laid off for performance, or currently between roles.

People interested in trending technologies — AI, LLMs, cryptocurrency. Hobbyists.

Contract or part-time experience. Not real work.

Résumé gaps of two to four months. Where were they? Why?

Job-hoppers: those who change role every eighteen months to two years.

Candidates whose experience is exclusively Big Tech. No range.

Anyone with more than eight years of professional experience. Expensive, and set in their ways.

NEXT STEPS

Candidates who clear this list will be contacted within forty-five days. Candidates who do not will not be contacted, because contacting them would constitute feedback, which we do not provide.

— Corvus & Pike Talent. We move candidates forward. Constantly. Toward the door.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.