Fenwick & Doyle — Accountant (Four Years’ Fire-Fighting Experience Required)

FENWICK & DOYLE TALENT — ACCOUNTANT

Location: Dubai. Salary: negotiable. Experience required: four years in fire fighting.

THE ROLE

Our client seeks an accountant for its finance department. The successful candidate will reconcile the ledgers, prepare monthly management accounts, and support the annual audit. They will also, per the listing as drafted, hold at least four years of experience in fire fighting.

WE HAVE REVIEWED THE LISTING

The requirement is on the posting. The posting is on the internet. Applicants have noted, with some volume, that accountancy and fire fighting are different disciplines. We are confident that a candidate of sufficient calibre can hold the ledger in one hand and the hose in the other. Our client declined to clarify whether the finance department is, itself, on fire. We have chosen to read this as enthusiasm.

HOW TO APPLY

Submit a résumé demonstrating four years of fire fighting and, ideally, a working knowledge of double-entry bookkeeping. Candidates who point out that no such professional exists will be considered “not a culture fit,” which is our way of saying they read the posting.

— Fenwick & Doyle Talent. We move candidates forward. Constantly. Toward the door.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.