Please Initial The Interview Disclaimer Before We Begin

INTERNAL — CANDIDATE EXPERIENCE COMPLIANCE

Nebulous Dynamics · Interview Interaction Disclaimer (Form NB-11)

Please initial each clause before your conversation begins.

1. Warmth Is Not A Warranty. Any friendliness displayed by your interviewer - nodding, smiling, 'we'd love someone like you' - is provided for atmospheric purposes only and constitutes neither an offer nor an intention to make one.

2. Salary Is A Topic, Not A Promise. Discussion of compensation bands, equity, or 'what number gets you excited' is educational. Figures spoken aloud in this room are non-binding and may evaporate on contact with our finance team.

3. Start Dates Are Hypothetical. If we ask when you could begin, we are collecting data, not scheduling you. Do not resign. Do not tell your family. Do not, under any circumstances, cancel your current contract.

4. 'Take A Few Days To Think About It' refers to a decision only Nebulous Dynamics is entitled to make. You have nothing to think about yet.

5. The Offer Clause. An offer exists exclusively as a PDF, signed by two officers, containing the word 'offer,' delivered to the email you provided. Verbal enthusiasm, handshakes, and the phrase 'welcome aboard' are, respectively, air, muscle movement, and air.

By initialling, you acknowledge that the interview you are about to enjoy is a vibe, not a contract, and that any hope you form is your own liability.

Signed: ______________ Witnessed by: our lawyers, always.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.