MEMO: Q3 Ghost Job Allocation Targets

FROM

Talent Pipeline Strategy, Cromulent AI

TO

All Hiring Managers

SUBJECT: Q3 Ghost Job Quotas — Action Required by Friday

Team,

As you know, our Q2 ghost-job KPIs came in at 31% of all listings, slightly below the industry benchmark of 34%. Leadership has set an ambitious Q3 target of 38%.

WHAT IS A GHOST JOB?

A ghost job is a publicly posted role for which we have no intention of hiring, serving one or more of the following strategic objectives:

- Projecting growth to investors ("Look at all these open headcount roles!")

- Soothing overworked current staff ("Help is coming, we're interviewing!")

- Harvesting market-rate salary expectations from applicants

- Building a "talent pipeline" we will never actually draw from

- General vibes

Each hiring manager is expected to maintain a MINIMUM of two ghost listings per quarter. Senior managers: four. The ghost-to-real ratio must never dip below 1:3 without VP approval.

NEW THIS QUARTER: Ghost Job Gamification

- "Phantom Funnel" badge: 500+ applicants on a ghost listing

- "The Long Haunt" badge: ghost listing remains open 90+ days

- "Ectoplasm Elite" distinction: candidate completes three interview rounds for a ghost job before discovering it does not exist

Post-interview communication cadence for ghost candidates will remain consistent with Cromulent AI's existing standards: none.

Questions? The FAQ is posted on the intranet. It is also a ghost document.

— Talent Pipeline Strategy

Cromulent AI

"We're Always Hiring (Technically)"

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.