goodbye, interview.
⚠ Satire — this document is fiction. The companies and people are made up. The maths, regrettably, is real.

From the Satire Desk · general · Issue

Must Have a Master's in Makerspace Management. The Degree Does Not Exist.

**INTERNAL MEMO — Cromulent AI Talent Acquisition**

**TO:** All Hiring Managers

**FROM:** Dr. Penelope Sift, VP of Autonomous Talent Pipeline Engineering

**RE:** Updated Degree Requirements for Q3 2026

Effective immediately, the following credential minimums have been calibrated by our proprietary ATS module (internally codenamed ParchmentFilter v4.2) to ensure only world-class candidates enter our funnel:

| Role | Required Degree | Institutions Offering It |

|-------------------------------|------------------------------------------------|--------------------------|

| Makerspace Coordinator | M.S. in Makerspace Management | None |

| Junior Social Media Associate | Ph.D. in Platform Sentiment Thermodynamics | None |

| Office Manager | MBA with concentration in Ergonomic Chair Theory| None |

| Intern, Unpaid | 7–10 years experience in our specific stack | N/A |

We are aware that no accredited university currently offers these degrees. That is not our problem. Our ATS requires a match on the credential field, and we do not override the ATS. The company that built our ATS was acquired by a company that was acquired by a holding company that dissolved in 2024. We have no admin access.

The good news: qualified candidates who do not exist also cannot ghost us, rescind acceptance, or ask about in-hand salary.

Questions? Please file a ticket through the internal portal. The portal was sunset last quarter as a cost-saving measure.

— Dr. Sift

*Cromulent AI: Disrupting hiring through autonomous, unaccountable, and frequently imaginary qualification thresholds.*

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.

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