Internal Memo: Re. Candidate Satisfaction Survey — Respondent #4471

FROM

Talent Experience, Cromulent AI

TO

All Hiring Managers

SUBJECT: Re. Candidate Satisfaction Survey — Respondent #4471

Team,

We received a response to our post-offer satisfaction survey that we believe warrants discussion. Candidate #4471 ("Greg") replied to our compensation proposal with the following verbatim feedback:

"Pay is absolut dogshit. Looks like the f***ing tip jar at a dive bar after a Tuesday afternoon shift. Hope your day sucks."

While we acknowledge the tone is unorthodox, the Candidate Experience Committee has voted 6-1 to treat this as actionable. Our internal review found that the offer in question — $47,000 for a senior role requiring five years of experience in a city where median rent is $2,800 — was generated by our Compensation Algorithm v4.1, which was last calibrated during the Series A in 2019.

Recommended next steps: recalibrate the algorithm. Also, per legal, Greg has not technically violated any policy and remains in our pipeline. He has not responded to our follow-up.

— Talent Experience

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.