Ashgrove Talent Group — Interview Delivery & Candidate Throughput Standards (Confidential)

ASHGROVE TALENT GROUP — INTERVIEW DELIVERY & CANDIDATE THROUGHPUT STANDARDS

Confidential. Disclosure to a candidate would constitute clarity, which is not a service we offer.

RÉSUMÉ

The interviewer is not required to read the résumé before the call. Open with a genuine question — who are you, and why are you here — and allow thirty seconds of visible confusion. Where feasible, interview the candidate for a role they did not apply for, in a department that is not hiring. Spend ten minutes explaining why they are not a fit. When they correct you, become flustered; do not apologise.

PROMISED ACCESS

Announce that completing a take-home assignment earns a direct interview. Collect the work. Delete the post. Remove the assignment. Ghost every applicant. The assignment was the interview.

SCHEDULING

Describe the start date as negotiable. Take the candidate’s preference for a later start. Rescind within two business days. Flexibility is a courtesy we extend in one direction only.

ROUNDS

Four interviews is where the data says to stop. Run nine. Signal is not the objective; endurance is.

CLOSING

Notify no one. Where notice is unavoidable, keep it to a single line, and never the reason.

— Ashgrove Talent Group. We move candidates forward. Constantly. Toward the door.

From the Satire Desk at goodbye, interview. All companies and people in this memo are fictional. Satire is always labelled and never names real companies — the true stories do that on their own. Spotted an error of fact in our non-fiction? Corrections.