# RollTech Dynamics — We're Hiring (Contractor)

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a post on r/recruitinghell

ROLLTECH DYNAMICS — WE'RE HIRING
Role: Senior Everything (1099)
Location: Fully remote / rigidly 9-to-5 / also on-call

ABOUT THE ROLL
We're a fast-paced, high-performance team that takes pride in being brutally competitive. We are looking for a self-starter to fill a critical roll on our roll.

This is a 1099 contractor position. You will be treated exactly like a full-time employee in every respect except pay, benefits, taxes, and legal protections.

WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR
• Someone who thrives under pressure, and also under micromanagement.
• Someone comfortable with a rigid schedule, daily standups, hourly check-ins, and a culture of “we're like a family.”
• Someone who will not ask why a contractor roll has a 9-to-5.

WHAT WE OFFER
• Exposure. So much exposure.
• The opportunity to be classified incorrectly, at scale.
• Bread. Ask us about the bread.

TO APPLY
Send your résumé, a cover letter, and a one-page essay on why you're excited about this roll. We will not read the essay. We will check that you wrote it.

— RollTech Dynamics Talent Acquisition. We move fast. You'll hear from us in six weeks.

*Source: [Inspired by a post on r/recruitinghell · fiction — RollTech Dynamics is invented](https://www.reddit.com/r/recruitinghell/comments/1wner6w/ragebaited_by_a_recruiter/)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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