# Now hiring: time travellers with 5 years of FastAPI experience (fridge photo required)

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a compilation of posts on r/recruitinghell

INTERNAL MEMO: Chromulent Technologies, Talent Acquisition Division

SUBJECT: Updates to the Chromulent hiring bar (Q3 2026)

Effective immediately, all open requisitions will include the following supplemental screening criteria, synthesised from best practices observed across industry job boards:

1. TEMPORAL COMPLIANCE. All candidates must demonstrate a minimum of 5 years of professional experience with FastAPI, a framework first released in December 2018. Candidates who point out that this requires having begun using FastAPI before it existed will be disqualified for insufficient problem-solving mindset.

2. ASTROLOGICAL FIT. The following star signs are excluded from consideration: Aquarius, Pisces, Leo, Scorpio. Internal data science has confirmed a statistically significant correlation between water signs and pull request abandonment. We are not required to show our work.

3. REFRIGERATOR AUDIT. All final-round candidates must submit a photograph of the inside of their refrigerator. This is not a character test. It is a team culture exercise. The team votes on fridge photos in a dedicated Slack channel called #fridge-fridays. It is shockingly popular.

4. NAME COMPATIBILITY. Our ATS schema does not support the name "Jeffrey." This is a known issue. A Jira ticket has been filed. The ticket was filed in 2019. Please stop asking.

5. LINKEDIN NETWORK MINIMUM. Applicants must have at least 100 LinkedIn connections to apply. This ensures we only attract candidates with a robust professional network, which they will not need because the role is fully remote, meaning remote from our office but in our office, which we list as remote for visibility.

6. OBSESSION REQUIREMENT. Candidates must demonstrate an absolute obsession with working 16-hour days and sleeping under their desk. A sleeping bag will not be provided, but Chromulent-branded caffeine supplements are available in the breakroom at a 15% employee discount.

Chromulent remains an equal-opportunity employer. We do not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, or creed. We discriminate on the basis of star signs, name length, and refrigerator organisation. These are different things.

— The Talent Team

Inspired by actual job postings and hiring practices documented on r/recruitinghell.

*Source: [Inspired by r/recruitinghell](https://www.vice.com/en/article/18-absurd-job-requirements-employers-actually-tried-to-get-away-with/)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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