# Please Initial The Interview Disclaimer Before We Begin

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a viral premature-acceptance thread

INTERNAL — CANDIDATE EXPERIENCE COMPLIANCE
Nebulous Dynamics · Interview Interaction Disclaimer (Form NB-11)
Please initial each clause before your conversation begins.

1. Warmth Is Not A Warranty. Any friendliness displayed by your interviewer - nodding, smiling, 'we'd love someone like you' - is provided for atmospheric purposes only and constitutes neither an offer nor an intention to make one.

2. Salary Is A Topic, Not A Promise. Discussion of compensation bands, equity, or 'what number gets you excited' is educational. Figures spoken aloud in this room are non-binding and may evaporate on contact with our finance team.

3. Start Dates Are Hypothetical. If we ask when you could begin, we are collecting data, not scheduling you. Do not resign. Do not tell your family. Do not, under any circumstances, cancel your current contract.

4. 'Take A Few Days To Think About It' refers to a decision only Nebulous Dynamics is entitled to make. You have nothing to think about yet.

5. The Offer Clause. An offer exists exclusively as a PDF, signed by two officers, containing the word 'offer,' delivered to the email you provided. Verbal enthusiasm, handshakes, and the phrase 'welcome aboard' are, respectively, air, muscle movement, and air.

By initialling, you acknowledge that the interview you are about to enjoy is a vibe, not a contract, and that any hope you form is your own liability.

Signed: ______________   Witnessed by: our lawyers, always.

*Source: [Inspired by a Newsweek/SacBee report on a viral thread](https://www.sacbee.com/entertainment/living/article316433001.html)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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