# MEMORANDUM: Re-Staffing the Position You Just Vacated (Yourself)

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a post on r/recruitinghell

**CONFIDENTIAL INTERNAL MEMO**\n\n**TO:** Talent Acquisition, Gormless Systems\n**FROM:** Office of Workforce Optimisation\n**RE:** Exciting Backfill Opportunity (Ref: EMP-14YRS-LAIDOFF-Q2)\n\nTeam,\n\nAs part of our ongoing commitment to agile talent strategy, we are pleased to announce that the role formerly held by Employee #4402 (separated Q2, fourteen years of service) has been identified as a critical gap requiring immediate backfill.\n\nPlease activate the standard outreach pipeline targeting passive candidates with relevant domain experience. For efficiency, we recommend mining our own alumni database -- these individuals already possess institutional knowledge and require zero onboarding to understand our systems.\n\n**Action item:** Cross-reference the job description against recent departures and send InMail to any former employee whose profile indicates a 93% or higher keyword match. Note: this may result in contacting the very person who previously held the role. While this is technically a feature of the algorithm, please exercise discretion if the candidate asks whether anyone checked their employment history before hitting send.\n\n**Fallback script (if discovered):**\n"We believe you'd be a perfect fit for this opportunity!" is factually accurate and legally defensible. Do not deviate.\n\nYours in perpetual motion,\nThe Workforce Optimisation Circle

*Source: [Inspired by r/recruitinghell · 3.5k upvotes](https://www.storyboard18.com/amp/digital/laid-off-employee-recontacted-accidentally-offered-his-own-job-months-later-84021.htm)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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