# MEMO: Q3 Ghost Job Allocation Targets

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a Truffle report on r/recruitinghell and 2026 hiring data

FROM: Talent Pipeline Strategy, Cromulent AI
TO: All Hiring Managers
SUBJECT: Q3 Ghost Job Quotas — Action Required by Friday

Team,

As you know, our Q2 ghost-job KPIs came in at 31% of all listings, slightly below the industry benchmark of 34%. Leadership has set an ambitious Q3 target of 38%.

WHAT IS A GHOST JOB?
A ghost job is a publicly posted role for which we have no intention of hiring, serving one or more of the following strategic objectives:
- Projecting growth to investors ("Look at all these open headcount roles!")
- Soothing overworked current staff ("Help is coming, we're interviewing!")
- Harvesting market-rate salary expectations from applicants
- Building a "talent pipeline" we will never actually draw from
- General vibes

Each hiring manager is expected to maintain a MINIMUM of two ghost listings per quarter. Senior managers: four. The ghost-to-real ratio must never dip below 1:3 without VP approval.

NEW THIS QUARTER: Ghost Job Gamification
- "Phantom Funnel" badge: 500+ applicants on a ghost listing
- "The Long Haunt" badge: ghost listing remains open 90+ days
- "Ectoplasm Elite" distinction: candidate completes three interview rounds for a ghost job before discovering it does not exist

Post-interview communication cadence for ghost candidates will remain consistent with Cromulent AI's existing standards: none.

Questions? The FAQ is posted on the intranet. It is also a ghost document.

— Talent Pipeline Strategy
Cromulent AI
"We're Always Hiring (Technically)"

*Source: [Inspired by Truffle analysis of r/recruitinghell and 2026 ghost job statistics](https://hiretruffle.com/reports/recruiting-complaints-2026)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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