# Lodestar Talent Group — Panel Conduct & Disclosure Standards (Restricted)

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a first-round compensation ambush, an unannounced bash test, a final-round AI question, and an internal hire announced on Slack

LODESTAR TALENT GROUP — PANEL CONDUCT & DISCLOSURE STANDARDS
Restricted. Not for candidates. Providing this document to a candidate would constitute transparency, which we do not offer.

FIRST CONTACT
Open every first interview with compensation. “How much do you want?” is not a question; it is a filter. If the candidate names a number, they are transactional. If they ask about the role first, they are evasive. Either answer may end the interview. Deliver the close as a five-minute monologue, refer to yourself as “an expert at interviewing,” and disconnect before they can reply. A candidate who has interviewed others is a particular threat; screen for it.

ASSESSMENTS
Never announce the assessment. A technical round should test a language the candidate did not expect, ideally one that appears exactly once, far down, on their résumé. Offer no choice of language. If they fail, do not contact them again — the silence is the feedback.

THE AI QUESTION
Ask how the candidate uses AI. There is a correct answer. Do not describe it. If they answer honestly, disagree silently, then ask three more AI questions. A candidate who cannot infer what we wanted was never a fit.

INTERNAL CANDIDATES
For internal roles, promise an answer “either way.” Then do not provide one. Announce the external hire in a company-wide message. The candidate already works here; they will find out from the channel.

CLOSING
Notify no one. Where notice is unavoidable, keep it to a single line, and never the reason.

— Lodestar Talent Group. We connect candidates. Eventually. To the news.

*Source: [Inspired by recent recruiting stories (via r/interviews / r/cscareerquestions / r/recruitinghell) · fiction — Lodestar Talent Group is invented](https://www.reddit.com/r/interviews/comments/1wu6n9f/i_have_never_been_so_humiliatedxin_my_career/)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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