# Internal memo: Geographic Non-Compete Exclusion Zone — Cromulent AI

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a post on r/recruitinghell

TO: All Hiring Managers, Cromulent AI\nFROM: Talent Integrity \u0026 Proximity Risk Division\nDATE: July 30, 2026\n\nEffective immediately, Cromulent AI is implementing a Geographic Non-Compete Exclusion Zone (GNCEZ) policy for all incoming hires. The rationale is straightforward: if a candidate's previous employer operates within 600 metres of any Cromulent office, the risk of trade-secret telepathy, freelance information osmosis, and lunch-break data leakage becomes actuarially unacceptable.\n\nWe have contracted with a third-party geo-mapping vendor to draw the relevant radii around all Cromulent locations. Any candidate whose most recent employer falls within the GNCEZ will receive an automated rejection citing "confidentiality and data security protocols." Walkable distance from a competitor now constitutes a disqualifying event.\n\nEarly testing of this policy has already filtered out one applicant whose previous office was a brisk seven-minute stroll from ours. HR confirms that our trade secrets remain uncompromised. The candidate has been blacklisted and — out of an abundance of caution — geo-fenced.\n\nQuestions? Refer to the Talent Integrity Slack channel #proximity-risk or consult the attached FAQ, which explains why candidates who live on the same street as a competitor will be subject to a mandatory relocation radius of no less than 1.2 kilometres.

*Source: [Inspired by r/recruitinghell · via Moneycontrol](https://www.moneycontrol.com/news/trends/job-applicant-gets-rejected-as-previous-company-is-only-600m-away-from-new-office-too-funny-13922820.html)*

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