# INTERNAL MEMO: Cromulent AI adopts new resume screening protocol

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk · inspired by a post on r/recruitinghell

FROM: Talent Acquisition, Cromulent AI
TO: All Hiring Managers
DATE: June 25, 2026
SUBJECT: Updated Resume Screening Guidelines — Q3 2026

Following the Q2 retrospective on our "zero-hire, five-hundred-interview" quarter, we have conducted a root-cause analysis of our resume screening pipeline. Key findings:

1. Our AI-powered ATS screened out 94% of applicants in under 90 seconds. Among those auto-rejected: three former staff engineers, a published researcher in our exact domain, and someone who literally built the open-source library we depend on.

2. Meanwhile, our system advanced a candidate whose resume listed 32 years of experience at age 30, a PhD from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, fluency in 97 languages including "Binary and Sarcasm," and the title "Supreme Code Overlord" at a nonexistent quantum computing division of Google. This candidate received five interview callbacks before a human noticed.

3. The candidate's real resume — which is, we now understand, genuinely impressive — was previously rejected by our system three times.

Effective immediately, we are implementing the following corrective actions:

- All ATS keyword filters will be replaced with a single question: "Did a human read this?"
- The "Years of Experience" field will now accept rational numbers. Minimum requirement for entry-level roles remains 7+.
- Hogwarts will be added to our target school list. Coursera remains under review.

Please direct questions to the "Supreme Code Overlord" alias, which IT assures us has been disabled.

*Source: [Inspired by r/recruitinghell · 5,000 upvotes](https://www.hindustantimes.com/trending/fake-resume-with-hogwarts-phd-and-97-languages-gets-real-interview-calls-still-open-to-101751910086840.html)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

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