# ATS Configuration Change Log, Cromulent AI Talent Operations

**[SATIRE]** — by The Satire Desk, inspired by multiple posts on r/recruitinghell

PROPRIETARY — CROMULENT AI TALENT OPERATIONS — DO NOT SHARE

ATS Rule Update Log — Q3 2026

=== v4.2.1 (2026-07-15) ===
- ADDED: Auto-reject candidates whose previous employer is within 1,500 metres of Cromulent HQ. Rationale: proximity risk to intellectual property. Candidates who changed apartments to be closer to work are retroactively disqualified.

=== v4.2.0 (2026-07-08) ===
- ADDED: Master's degree requirement for all Coordinator, Associate, and Sandwich Artist-equivalent roles. Degree must be in the exact job title (e.g. "MSc in Makerspace Management"). Candidates holding degrees in adjacent fields will be rejected with the explanation "we carefully reviewed your qualifications."
- NOTE: Three of the six required degrees do not exist at any accredited institution. This is understood to be a feature, not a bug. Legal has been CC'd.

=== v4.1.3 (2026-06-22) ===
- ADDED: Pre-application rejection module. Candidates are now evaluated and rejected the moment their email address is entered into any Cromulent-branded web form. Rationale: reduces time-to-rejection and conserves candidate emotional bandwidth. The rejection email template includes a detailed assessment of "skills, experience, and cultural fit" generated from the email address alone. Early data shows gmail.com addresses score 12% higher than hotmail.com addresses. Engineering is investigating.

=== v4.1.2 (2026-06-14) ===
- FIXED: The rejection email no longer includes the raw AI prompt "Make the candidate feel like they were strongly considered." The prompt is now hidden in the email metadata, which Legal assures us candidates cannot inspect.

=== v4.1.1 (2026-06-07) ===
- ADDED: All job postings now require 7+ years of experience in technologies that have existed for 3 years. The job description for "Junior Assistant to the Regional Coordinator" now lists "10+ years of prompt engineering" as a preferred qualification.

=== v4.1.0 (2026-05-30) ===
- NEW FEATURE: The ATS now sends rejection emails to people who have not applied for any job at Cromulent AI. Early recipients include the VP of Engineering's mother, three former employees who left positive Glassdoor reviews, and a dog with a LinkedIn profile. User testing is ongoing.

---
REMINDER: All configuration changes must be reviewed by the Director of Candidate Experience Engineering. Except the Director position has been vacant for 11 months because no applicant met the 15-year Kubernetes requirement. The role remains open. The ATS will continue to reject everyone.

*Source: [Inspired by r/recruitinghell posts on absurd ATS rejections](https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/got-rejected-while-applying-job-candidate-who-only-entered-email-gets-declined-in-bizarre-manner-11562905)*

> ⚠️ SATIRE — clearly labelled fiction. Do not cite as real events.

[← Back to satire](https://www.goodbyeinterview.com/satire.md)
[Corrections](https://www.goodbyeinterview.com/corrections.md)